All I Want for Christmas
- Quiet. - From the top.
O tidings
of comfort and joy
comfort and joy
- hey! - Boys, stop that!
Boys!
Boys, stop that!
Behave yourselves!
- You know my corny grandma? - Yeah.
She wants me to make a Christmas list, like she's Santa Claus or something.
Well, I've got a hockey mask.
I've got cash. But what I really want is a babe.
Let's see. Well, how many babes do you want? Eight?
- Do you want ten, twelve? - Two, that's all.
- Two? - I'm not greedy.
Zero is more like it, fisher. You'd better make a new list.
I like him, really. I see a long future for him in the helping professions.
- So, doing anything cool at Christmas? - I don't know. We'll see.
It's the first Christmas since dad moved out.
- Hi, Hallie. - Ethan, where were you?
I'm two minutes late.
- I was going to leave. - No.
Daddy's coming. What if we're not there? What if he doesn't wait?
Look, don't do that ever, ok? Don't go off by yourself.
- You've got to promise me. - What could i do? I'm in a tutu.
Hallie.
I promise.
Ok, good. And incidentally, i kind of like the tutu.
- Good. You wear it. - No, i'll put it on when i get home.
- You know, i'm going to be an actress. - Yeah?
Like nana. On pluto, because that's my favourite planet.
Yeah? It's mine, too. So, where did you put your mittens?
- You really want to know? - Yeah, i do.
I sold them.
Fine. I hope you got a good deal. Come on.
So, how was your assembly?
Really baby. My grade jumped up and down like it was "the nutcracker."
But you love "the nutcracker". Mom and nana take you to it every year.
- To the real one, with tickets. - "the nutcracker" is "the nutcracker".
I'm on a street in New York arguing about reality with a seven-year-old.
It's that man, that fake guy. Would you go to a fake santa?
You wouldn't get anything. You've got to go to the real guy, at macy's.
Can't argue with that.
- Merry Christmas. Happy hanukkah. - Happy holidays, darling.
My teacher says you should say both in New York because people are sensitive.
Isn't that a good idea?
- Do you always say both? - Yeah, sure. I try.
Mom, we're home!
- Hi, nana. - Hi, nana.
- Hello, darling. Let me look at you. - Hello, Ethan.
That is, without a doubt, the best-looking thing i ever saw.
Don't take a photo. It's embarrassing enough having to wear it in the street.
That's not true. Hallie, you look beautiful.
- Is the baby kicking? Can i feel? - He's resting today.
There he goes. He kicks.
Well, i'll go get some milk. It makes me feel better, and the baby.
- That's a good idea. - Bye, Olivia.
- Ethan, help me with this. - Hello, everybody.
Hi, mom.
- Hi, how did it go? - Fine.
- Did you bring me some books? - "Old yeller" and more "Mary Poppins".
- Ethan, I brought some landmarks. - Cool.
Hi, mom.
Hello, beautiful.
- He was supposed to be here by now. - I'm sure he's on his way.
Hallie, come on. Let's go get ready for your dad.
- Merry Christmas. - You, too.
- Mr O'fallon. - Hi, stella.
How's my favourite ex-mother-in-law and second lady of the american theatre?
Excellent, and quite glad to see you. I can't say the same for your ex-wife.
Though you haven't even asked about her yet.
Up there? Wish me luck.
I think i hear dad.
Boo.
- You're wearing my favourite colour. - Black?
Shh!
Cut me a minor break, slick. What do you want me to say?
- Not a great start. - At least he called her slick.
You don't have to say anything to me. Try the kids.
They've been waiting two hours to go to the museum to see the dinosaurs.
The dinosaurs can wait. They've already waited millions of years.
Look, the kids understand when stuff goes wrong at the diner.
Oh, well, the diner. Of course the diner comes first.
Now we're on to the diner.
- Let's finish the game. - We have. I was slaughtering you.
Let's play another hand.
Catherine.
The kids love the diner. I can't help it.
They understand that i've just got things going down there, and...
- i understand that, too. - Really?
That's why we split up, because you didn't understand.
I dropped our yuppie life for something that might give us some pleasure.
Give you some pleasure. I don't recall being consulted.
- I won't get into this argument. - Well, now we're in it.
- Let's have it. - We've already had it.
- Hey, dad! - Hi, dad.
Hey, you guys. Come here!
- Sorry i'm late. - That's ok.
We knew you'd come. Right, Ethan?
Catherine, he's here.
- "He" being...? - Tony.
Goodbye, sweetheart. Bye, baby.
Bye, mom.
Lillian! You look wonderful.
- As usual. - Yes.
- Let's go, Tony. - There's no rush. Curtain's not till eight.
We're seeing "cats". Orchestra seats.
Lucky you.
Tony, can we just go?
- Hi, Tony. - Hey, Tony.
- Michael. - "Mike", please. How are you doing?
- How's everything on wall street? - Is that a loaded question or...
- bye, sweetie. - Not remotely loaded. How could it be?
I'll accept that.
Be back by midnight.
Only kidding.
I wish once he would show up on time so somebody could plan something.
I've got an idea. Instead of dinosaurs, let's go to the diner.
Sure. Whatever you guys want to do.
- Want to come downtown, lil? - No, this is your time.
Bye, nana.
Come on, guys. Sweet dreams, lil.
Come on. You ready to sling some hash?
Yeah.
Let's go! Move it out!
Michael, dance with me.
- Ok. It's bedtime, Hallie. - You only say that when you're losing.
Dad will want to tuck you in, and i don't want to get yelled at.
He won't yell. If we lived with him, he would. But we don't.
- And besides, guess what. - I can't. You've got me stumped.
I think they're getting along better, mom and dad, since last year.
They got divorced last year, so they couldn't be getting along much worse.
All right. I'm bored now.
Will you read me "old yeller"?
I can read it myself, but i like the way you do all the voices.
Why did you say they are getting along better?
Because i'm going to ask santa to get them back together again.
- You can't ask santa claus for that. - Why not?
Well, because. Because he's jolly. He's a jolly, fat guy.
- He's not a marriage counsellor. - It's what i really want.
- Hey, kids. - Hey, dad.
- Why aren't you in bed? - I have this problem.
Yeah, well, you can tell me about it while i tuck you in.
The problem is, i have to see santa claus tomorrow.
And mom's busy, so will you take me?
I've got to work all day tomorrow, honey.
Hey, Ethan.
No! Uh-uh. Forget about it. Don't even think about it. Dad, no.
Now, Hallie, you can ask for toys, parakeets, hair products, anything.
But you may not ask for anything to do with interpersonal relationships.
This is santa claus, not dear abby.
- Sucker? - You're telling me.
Oh, no. This is great. Oh, man. Kevin Mars.
Great. I'm watching you, ok?
This is excellent. This is wonderful. Excuse me.
- O'fallon. - Hey, Kevin.
How are you doing? I was just checking out these f-16s.
Are these aeroplanes or what? Wow.
Well, now, and what is your name, little girl?
Hallie O'fallon.
That's a very pretty name.
How was everything last year? Did you behave yourself?
Perfectly. Now here's the deal, santa. My brother is watching.
So whatever i say, just smile and nod.
We saw you waiting to see santa.
Oh, yeah, right. Like i'm here to see santa claus.
- I'm tired of holding this for you. - You're an elf, right?
No, no, i'm not. No, sorry.
Yes, you are. Santa's elves always pretend they're not. It's their flaw.
Kid.
I'm a person, not an elf.
Come on, dear.
So not only are you a spaz, you're an elf.
Yeah, that's right. I'm the elf king.
Don't worry. We won't tell.
Oh, well, that's a pretty tall order.
You know, i usually specialise in stuff you can wrap.
- Ah... - shh.
Oh, hello. Good to see you. Please leave your coats in there.
- You know all these people? - No, i thought they were your friends.
- Should we call the police? - Yeah, let's get rid of them.
Lil.
Lovely party.
- I may call you lil? - Oh, please.
Then each time you say it, i'll know that's my cue to say, "yes, Tony?"
- Yes. I was looking for catherine. - Well, maybe over there.
Never use the word "lovely". It's the mark of the jerk.
Does the concept work for you? Or is the crème fraiche too assertive?
You know what's really good?
The onion rings at my dad's diner.
You should go there. But don't have the potato salad. It still has kinks.
- Can i take my brother some of these? - Yeah, sure.
- Thanks. - Thanks.
Here, try these.
Wait. Make the pig sound.
- Hallie. - Please.
You make the best pig sound in New York. Please?
- Catherine. - Susan, Merry Christmas.
I just left the office. I have the jacket copy for your summer list.
Stephanie's here. She's in from boston.
Her father and his delightful fourth wife are trusting me with her for a few days.
Just one pig sound, ok?
Stephanie, i don't believe it. The last time i saw you...
- i'm taking her to "the nutcracker." - We're taking Hallie.
You see? You're the best pig in the world.
She wants to go to the museum of modern art.
Would you like a canapé or a nice bowl of mud?
Ok, everyone, this is the big moment. It's not exactly rockefeller center.
But Merry Christmas, anyway.
- "i really can't stay" - "but, baby, it's cold outside"
- "i've got to go away" - "but, baby, it's cold outside"
- "this evening has been" - "been hoping that you'd drop in"
- "so very nice" - "i'll hold your hands"
they're just like ice
- "my mother will start to worry" - "beautiful, what's your hurry?"
- "my brother will be there at the door" - "listen to the fireplace roar"
pardon me. I'm sorry.
- "beautiful, please don't hurry" - "well, maybe just a little while more"
- "never such a blizzard before" - "i've got to get home"
but, baby, you'd freeze out there
- "say, lend me a comb" - "it's up to your knees out there"
- "i wish i knew how" - "your eyes are like starlight now"
to break the spell
i'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
- "i ought to say, "no, no, no, sir." - "mind if i move in closer?"
- "at least i'm going to say i tried" - "what's the sense of hurting my pride?"
- "i really can't stay" - "oh, baby, don't hold out"
baby, it's cold
outside
oh. That chair's broken.
Gee, Tony, that's very helpful. Thank you.
"Hey, what a surprise!" no, that sucks. You can do better than that.
"Fancy meeting you..." no. Come on. That's even worse.
Who says "fancy" any more? Nobody, right. Come on.
We'll just say...
..."hey, wow!"
No, that's too major dorkish.
I have to do this right.
Oh, wow!
Hey.
Hey, i didn't expect to see you here.
- Hi, how are you? - I'm great. How are you doing?
- I'm in a museum. - Yeah. So am i.
Oh, yeah.
So, do you like this painting?
It's jackson pollock, "black and white number 20".
Yeah.
I like to hear the music and see how it makes you feel. Want to listen?
- It's great. - Ok, sure.
Frankly, i prefer "number 12" and "number 4".
- Yeah, i think, but the rest... - Ethan, it's really loud.
The others are overrated. You know? Yeah.
So, how am i doing?
Yeah, New York is really great.
But when my parents split and my mom came here, i'd started school in boston.
Yeah, well, i like New York.
"There's eight million stories in the naked city." my dad says that.
I don't know. I guess i like being one of those stories.
- And the museums here are incredible. - They really are.
Yeah, well, i bet you like to spend hours here.
Fifteen minutes, tops. Then i get hungry.
- Are you hungry? - I could be.
Starving.
When you said you knew a restaurant, i never expected this place.
It's a great place to eat, especially in the major gift-giving holidays.
Do you like to eat? These crêpes are absolutely delicious...
try a wonder waffle waffle-maker. Perfect waffles every time.
They're guaranteed non-adhesive.
Hello, sir. Do you have a fish wish?
Sushi for every occasion. Sushi for every caucasian.
"Heart and soul". Beautiful name.
I know it's none of my business. You're going to do what you want to do.
- "i'm an independent woman." - "i'm glad you are."
I know you don't care for Tony. He's not michael. But he makes me feel special.
But you are special.
You're my mother. It's been a long time since a man made me feel that way.
Mom, i'm going to marry Tony. I just wish i had your blessing.
It's nice in here. Thanks for walking me here.
Yeah, well, listen. If you're not busy tonight, i'd really like to do something.
I can't. Mom's taking me to go see "cats". Again. I hate "cats", but i'm busy, so...
well, what about saturday afternoon? I've got to go to cotillion.
- They make the whole school go. - I had to go last year.
If you came, i could dance with you instead of with some girl.
- I mean, some girl i don't know. - I'll probably have to go back to boston.
- How is boston? Is boston good? - Boston's good.
- I'm hoping to get beans there. - Beans?
- Free association. "boston" and "beans". - There's my train.
- Yeah. - Bye.
Merry Christmas!
And Happy Hanukkah.
- Merry Christmas. - Thank you!
Hi, everyone. I'm home.
- Hey, you look very pretty. - Forget it. I have to talk to you now.
- Get ready. We're going in ten minutes. - He'll be ready, i swear.
- "Bonsoir", Ethan. - "Bonsoir", Olivia.
Smart boy.
What is it? Someone make a tuna sandwich out of the little mermaid?
Don't tease me, Ethan. This is serious.
- What, Hallie? What is it? - Something terrible. And it's my fault.
Ok, come on, tell me. You can tell me.
I asked santa to have mom and dad get married again.
I know you said not to, but i did.
But that's not the problem. The problem is, i forgot to say, "to each other".
While you were gone, i heard mom talking to nana about marrying Tony.
Ethan.
Ethan! Hallie! Tony's here.
So what are we going to do?
Ok, honey, have fun.
- Mom, come in for a minute. - We have to go to the ballet.
- You've never really seen the place. - I've seen it.
- Not all finished. - Come on, mom.
I'll just be a minute. Hallie, stay in the car with Tony.
No, Hallie, that's the phone. You're scratching the...
- so, who composed "the nutcracker"? - Tchaikovsky.
Good. Very good. Excellent.
Don't you think it's cool. Mom?
Come on, you've got to admit it's cool. Don't you think?
Come here. I want to show you this.
Ethan. Hey, give me a kiss.
Thanks.
- Hello, michael. - Hi, slick.
Couldn't take another "nutcracker", huh?
Give it to me. Shep's waiting on you.
Hey, shep.
- Hey, give me a big one, baby. - How are you doing, man?
I'll be back for him later.
Whoa, wait a minute.
So, what do you think?
It's nice. It's a nice place.
"Nice"?
Any of this stuff look familiar?
It's extremely nice.
I had no idea.
- When you moved out... - that it would turn out this way? No.
Come see the loft.
- Tony and Hallie are waiting. - It'll only take a minute.
All right. Just one minute.
- Hey! I said, "burn it." - So what else is new?
Here, try that one.
She likes it burned?
- It's a nice place. - Yeah, it's paradise!
That's very pretty, Hallie. Do you want to know the rest of it?
Well.
The kids seem to like it. Downtown, I mean.
Good creative atmosphere around here. Even the pigeons are poets downtown.
Ah, you remember.
- New haven. - York street.
Brewster's diner. How'd you get it to look like that?
- I heard they were closing, so... - brewster's closed?
Yeah. I took a truck up there.
I got all the fixtures. I got the jukebox. I even stole their menu.
- I have to go. - You keep saying that.
- It's really nice. - You said that, too.
Michael, i'm getting married.
- That, you haven't said. - Well, i'm saying it.
So.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
You'd better get a move on, slick. The sugar plum fairies are waiting.
Not bad, huh?
Mommy, i think one of my glands is swollen.
They feel ok.
And I think i have a fever.
You do feel a little warm.
- I think you'll live. - Don't crush the collar.
- Feeling better? - Much.
- Hey, Frankie! - Hey, Mike.
- I'm all out of chocolate for Christmas. - Chocolate for Christmas. Sure, Mike.
You're my favourite customer.
I'll bring it Christmas eve. My last stop, because then I'm off to Jersey.
- Don't forget to hang your stocking. - By two points in overtime.
Frankie's deaf as a door-knob. Though I know some door-knobs that can hear.
Yeah. So, mom has seen the place.
Right.
- You like coming here? - I love it.
I love having you and Hallie here.
You know about mom and...
yeah.
So what are you going to do?
- I don't know what I can do. - You're the smartest guy I've ever met.
All the other dads are the same, with the same tie and the same haircut.
Even the same car alarm.
- You're different. You've got this place. - Right.
And a blue-plate special mid-life crisis.
Look.
Your mom has a right to be... I don't know. Happy.
And maybe I did go out of my way to make life difficult.
Did you ever tell that to her?
No. Look. Let's just forget it, ok?
- I'm just a kid, right? - I never did tell her that.
Never.
Maybe I could, if we were trapped somewhere, like a desert island.
New York's an island.
- I bet you want to be a ballerina. - I never said that.
It's every little girl's dream.
What if I'm fat or my head's too big? It's too much pressure.
- It's good to know what you want. - I know what I want.
- Honey, Tony's making conversation. - I'll pick a career when I'm in third grade.
Who wants a ginger ale?
- Hallie, want some ginger ale? - I don't care.
Come on, let's sit.
- Tony just wants to be your friend. - I have friends.
This is different. He's my friend, and he wants you to give him a chance to...
he stares at me.
He goes, "isn't this marvellous?" like i'm supposed to do all this cute stuff.
Do you really like him, mommy?
- Like, a whole lot? - Ok.
One for you, cath, and one for me.
And one for Hallie, with a cherry in it, so it's an official shirley temple.
Mom, i feel nauseous.
"Nauseated". That's the correct word for the situation.
You do feel warm. You know what? We'll be right back. Come on.
Hi, Hallie.
A desert island.
Ethan, time to feed the chickens.
Oh, gosh.
What chickens?
- What's up? More Christmas shopping? - No, not today.
- Today I've got to go fix a mistake. - Oh, fix a mistake, yes.
Fix a mistake?
- Hi. - Where to?
West side, please.
Hi, Merry Christmas. Happy hanukkah.
Hey, Hallietosis. I'm going to the movies.
Hallie!
Oh, she went out about ten minutes ago. Said she had to fix a mistake.
Excuse me, can i cut in? I won't be long. I just have to fix this mistake i made.
- I have cuts for a dollar. - Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah.
Don't forget to tell santa what a creep you are.
Excuse me!
- You're back. - I'm back.
You wouldn't want something easy, would you, like a nice doll?
- I have dolls you wouldn't believe. - Can i use the lap?
- Sure. - Ok.
Now we've really got to talk.
Excuse me!
Excuse me, i've got to get through.
Excuse me.
- Merry Christmas. - Thanks.
You realise, it's awfully late in the season for such a big order.
I know you'll do it. You have to.
Hallie, Merry Christmas.
- Oh, and one more thing... - Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho!
- Ethan, that was embarrassing. - Do you think i'm kidding? I'm not.
You can't go off alone in this city. Hallie, do you hear me?
Don't ever do this. You've got to promise me that.
I had to. Not all moms and dads should get back together, but ours should.
And it's Christmas, and he's Santa. I just had to see him, Ethan.
It's ok. I know you did, hal.
Operation desert island.
I can talk about women's tennis or nazi-hunters. You pick a topic.
Ethan, we have to talk while we dance.
You know the rules. Anyway, so nazi-hunters.
Did you know that several former nazi leaders are still at large?
Or on the irt. Or even in the police department.
- You know who i heard likes you? - God, who?
- Kevin Mars. And he's really into nazis. - God, really?
Kevin, Ethan told me we have a lot in common.
- I didn't expect to see you here. - I didn't go back to boston yet.
I thought i'd see if your cotillion is as bad as mine was.
Worse!
I think we'd better start dancing.
- I see you're doing the popular foxtrot. - Yeah, it's got some great steps.
- Like what? - The one that will get us out of here.
So then they said they'd found mengele's skull, but i'm not convinced.
He could be right here.
You never know.
You're sure you don't want to go back? The foxtrot can be useful.
Yeah, i know. I use it constantly on the subway. I dance a lot there.
I'm kidding. I don't dance on the subway. I would. It just hasn't happened yet.
- Who knows? Maybe you will. - Yeah, right. Who knows?
It's great that you're here, because i need to talk to you about something.
Follow me.
Are you with somebody, or what?
Yeah.
That's right. You have a good time.
Please join our bride and groom on the dance floor.
Come on, everyone.
You think you can get them together by Christmas? That's three days away.
See, all I can do is the desert island part and hope they do the right thing.
Maybe I'm crazy,
but at least Hallie will have one more Christmas morning with them.
It's not what she asked santa claus for, but hey, this is New York.
You do what you can, right? Ok. So here's where you come in.
Ladies and gentlemen, please join the bride and groom as they cut the cake.
- Yeah, this is nice. - I love it.
- You've got to admit, it's a cool plan. - You should think about seeing a shrink.
My dad doesn't believe in shrinks.
- You're going to go through with this? - Well, it's either me or santa claus.
And i'm not a believer.
Ok, it's tarantella time! Everybody "on the dance floor." volare! Volare!
...when we get home. - Thank you very much.
Hello, boys, and hello there, princess. What would you like? A puppy dog?
- We want rodents. - Yeah. Eight, please.
Don't tap the cage. That's a very tense hamster.
Now, rats or mice?
My medium-sized rats are on special. If you buy eight, you get one free.
- Mice. - Certainly.
- You put them right in this box. - Ok.
All right.
And one.
And one and two.
- And three. - Get over here.
- Excuse me. Is this rabbit dead? - No, he's just resting.
Not that one. It's deformed.
- How about this one? - He's the cutest one.
And that will make...
...eight. Thank you very much.
- Ok? - All right. Right this way.
How much is that?
That's eight mice at two bucks apiece.
- That equals... - 16!
Yeah. Plus, you'll need treats and bedding.
And ratsky watsky, a popular vermin toy.
Plus this novelty item, my own idea.
A rodents' salad bar. I hold the patent.
Well...
- we're out of money. - Ask marshall.
Hey, marsh.
Yeah? What?
Won't you come in?
- I'm catherine. - You must be the bride.
Tony has me plan all of his special events.
And he expects this one to be exceptional.
Great. Perfect. Ok.
I thought it would be enchanting to have bridesmaids in jodhpurs.
With little riding crops.
Festooned with baby's breath.
That could be enchanting... in a stable.
See this one? He's the best.
I even thought of his name. Since he's white and it's winter, he's snowball.
And he's mine. He'll come through, you just wait.
Sylvia, this is my second marriage. I was thinking of keeping it simple.
Excuse me. We can talk about that later.
Let's get on with the guests. There's Tony's 600...
600!
- 600 what? Where did he get that idea? - That seems awfully high.
I was thinking of a few close friends.
Come on!
I'm going for a small walk.
You would like to maybe come along?
You know what?
I just hurt my back, and i don't think i should go on a walk right now.
- I'll be back soon. - You shouldn't go either.
- I'll miss you. Your baby... it's cold. - No problem.
- Come on, snowball. Come to mommy. - Oh, man, this is great.
There's one.
I missed it.
Well, why don't we set a limit of 500?
Very quiet, very sweet, very victoriana.
I don't think he knows 500 people.
It's ok, you'll think of something else. You're a genius.
You almost got skipped once.
Tony is very esteemed on wall street, and he just assumed that...
yes, well, i'm afraid perhaps this time Tony has assumed too much.
I'm sorry about snow...
...ball!
Snowball.
The hotel can take us. They were booked but i said it was for you.
Good. Just pack enough for tonight.
Yes.
Hello, lil.
- You're looking particularly... - we've got rats.
You wouldn't know anything about vermin, would you?
I'd like to report a car in a tow-away zone. I think it's abandoned.
- "been there long?" - Three days.
- "where is it?" - 12th street, in front of the diner.
- "what kind?" - A black bmw.
- "it'll be an hour." - An hour?
- "you got it." - Perfect. Thanks.
That's really strange, mice in my mother's house.
But i guess it's just one more step in the total collapse of New York.
I was wondering, could i stay the night with you?
- "sure, i guess you could." - Yeah?
Charles and i will be making the rounds. Stephanie will be here, though.
Oh, no, it's fine.
Ok. I'll call you later. Bye-bye.
- Catherine has mice. - Oh, really.
Yes!
- Hello? - Marsh, it's me.
- Look, i cannot talk right now. - You've got to. Just call me back.
All right.
Shut up and get a rag, will you? Stop moaning, already.
It's for me.
I mean, i assume it is.
Hello?
Oh, it is.
The phone. It's for me.
Hiya, marshall.
She drank a whole bowl of egg-nog!
I came through, but my grandmother is passed out on the floor.
Really?
That's great. That's really, really great.
- Real nice. - Will you just shut up and help?
I've got to go. We've got to revive her and then we're opening presents.
Gee, that sounds like fun. I'll ask my mom if it's ok.
Now you owe me a favour.
When we've got your parents together, help me split up mine. I've got to go.
Ok. You've got it.
- Hold on. Hey, mom! - Yeah?
Marsh wants to know, can i stay at his house tonight?
Don't you want to spend Christmas Eve with your father?
I don't know.
I'm afraid we'll get sort of sad. You know?
Since we're not all... you know.
Look, how about this? Tony and i can skip this party.
And you and Hallie and Tony and i can go out tonight.
- I think i have a cough. - I think you should keep to your plan.
- Just go out and have fun. - The kids should do what they want.
It is Christmas.
- I think Tony's right, mom. - Me, too.
Maybe Tony could drop me at marshall's.
- I could go to Susan's and change. - I'll take Hallie. It's working out perfectly.
So far.
- I have to talk to you. - What is it?
I want you to say hi to snowball.
- Who's snowball? - A friend of mine.
- And i bet only you can see snowball. - No, you can see him. Here.
Hallie, get that away from me.
- Snowball thinks you hate him. - I don't hate him.
Tell him you like him.
- I like you, snowball. Now put it away. - Say it louder. He has tiny ears.
Snowball, i like you.
- He thinks you're lying. - I'm not.
Snowball, i love you. I love you very, very much.
Thank you.
Here we are.
- Let's go, Hallie. - I was kind of wondering.
Do you want me to take her so you don't have to see my dad?
- Ethan, i think i can handle it. - Yeah, i know.
But it's weird for Hallie, psychologically.
- The two father-figures... - whatever.
- Do what you feel like. - Thanks. Come on, Hallie, let's go.
Don't slam the...
...door.
You've got the mouse. Let it go and start to scream.
- I can't do it, Ethan. - What do you mean? You've got to.
But i'll lose him. He'll be gone.
Look, Hallie, snowball is a mouse. I know you love him, but he's a mouse.
This is for all of us. If you let him go, i'll buy you a million mice.
I promise you. You trust me, don't you?
You're my brother.
Put him down.
Goodbye, snowball.
Now, scream.
Snowball!
What's wrong?
- Snowball. He got away. - Where did he go? I'll find him.
There he is! He just went inside the truck.
- Snowball's inside the truck? - Yeah, in the truck.
In the corner, the little white thing.
- He's in the back. - All right. How far back?
Open up the door!
Open up this door right now!
Hey, kids, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Uncle Fankie!
- From your uncle Frankie. - Thanks!
Open up this door right now!
Ok. Now, next step?
- Tell me again. - 7.15.
- And where am I? - Marshall's. I have an excellent memory.
- It's got to be perfect. And Tony? - He dropped me off, outside.
- Now can i go? - Yeah.
Yes, here.
- What is the matter with that jerk? - Who, dad?
Tony. He didn't have to drop you outside. He could have brought you upstairs.
- Did i say Ethan was at marshall's? - About six times.
Plus it's been on the news.
- What's that? - A suit. You look handsome in suits.
I don't wear suits much any more, honey.
- That's kind of why i got the diner. - Come on.
I'll put on a party dress and we'll pretend we're in this nice restaurant, on pluto.
- My favourite planet. - Pluto.
Do they deliver chinese food to pluto?
They do. It's on the menu. Come on, dad. It'll be fun.
Put that on and i'll get dressed.
Ok.
Oh, and wear the burgundy tie.
Burgundy?
- Ok? How do i look? - You look great, mom.
I can't imagine what happened to Tony. What time is it?
About 7.15.
Exactly. I've got it.
- She's really grown-up, Susan. - Hello? Yeah, she is. Just a minute.
It's Mr O'fallon.
Thanks.
- Michael? - "yeah. It's Hallie, slick."
What's wrong with her?
I don't know what's wrong. She was fine, and then all of a sudden...
i don't know. She's been in the bathroom for about half an hour.
Hallie, how are you doing in there?
Terrible.
- Is mommy coming? - "she'll be right here, sweetheart."
Jeez, we sold all those turkey dinners.
I got you a present. It's a book about the last days of elvis.
It includes a cassette of his last phone conversation.
Thanks. You want to come over? I've got the Elvis Christmas album.
Oh, yeah?
- You got any mistletoe? - Tons of it.
- I hope everything's ok. - Thank you so much.
- See you later. - Ok. Bye.
Way to go, hal!
Yes!
- Wow! You look gorgeous. - So do you.
Oh, yeah, this was Hallie's idea.
She's in her bedroom.
- Tony's not with you? - No.
I wonder where he is.
Hey!
Get me out of here!
I think she's ok.
Are you awake?
She's dreaming. She's like you when she sleeps.
She dreams, she turns.
She dreams.
- Hello? - "Mrs O'fallon, please."
Just a minute.
Hello?
Mrs O'fallon, it's Stephanie. I just got a call from mr bore.
- "Boer". - "mr boer, yes."
- He had an emergency come up. - What kind? Is he all right?
He's fine.
He just said to go on to the plaza and try to have a wonderful time.
Really? He said that?
No, Stephanie. I think i'll come back to your place. Thanks. Bye.
- I've been stood up. - Oh.
This has been the strangest day.
Great. They're eating moo-shoo pork and i'm freezing to death down here.
Now, if this works, i'm a hero. But if it doesn't...
...maybe santa claus will bring me some nice, striped p-j's.
For juvenile hall.
- You here for a pick-up? - Catherine O'fallon.
Sorry. She changed her mind.
Changed her mind? I've got to hear it from the lady.
- But... - i'm catherine.
Something's come up. An emergency.
Here. Merry Christmas.
- Hi. - Hi, how are you doing?
Can we get in?
Now they don't even pick up.
- I guess i should go. - No.
I mean, maybe i'll find a taxi cruising.
Do you remember that blizzard?
It's late. I really should go.
- No. - You were pregnant with Hallie.
Too pregnant. She was late.
- Yeah. Four days. - Five.
It just snowed and snowed.
You rented lucy stomping on the grapes.
You read me "franny."
You read me "zooey."
And then Hallie.
- I have to go. - Or stay.
Yes.
It's a blizzard out there. It's Christmas. You'll never get a cab.
- I can go make you a burger and fries. - I'm not hungry.
And no, i really shouldn't stay.
Please!
- But i will. - Yes!
I'll stay with Hallie, sleep with her.
I don't suppose you have an extra nightgown.
I'll get you a shirt.
What?
I've been screwing up with these kids.
No, don't say that. You're a good father.
Really?
- So, how's the food? - It's delicious.
I haven't actually bought you a meal yet.
Don't worry. This is better.
- What is? - Tonight, all of it.
See, i wasn't expecting an adventure this Christmas.
I was just expecting to be depressed.
- Is there any ketchup? - Oh, yeah. It's right behind you.
More ketchup.
When you get two bottles of ketchup that are both half full...
...and you empty one into the other, it's called marrying the ketchup.
That's diner talk, marrying the ketchup and everything.
But, unfortunately, most ketchup marriages end in divorce.
You're really funny, Ethan. Do you know that?
No, i didn't.
I mean, now i do because you just told me.
- But before that, no. - You're not eating your burger.
Oh, yeah.
So, has this really been an adventure for you?
My favourite. Ever.
That's good. I mean, that's great. Because this is mine, too.
Even though we don't know the end yet. Not that i'm saying i want it to end.
But it has to, right?
- Ever been up this late Christmas Eve? - No.
Me neither.
Wonderful.
This is wonderful.
This is a very merry Christmas.
There's a dog and a cat on top of the empire state building.
And the cat goes, "miaow!"
- Hey, look who's here. - Hey.
You ate without me.
No, that's ok. I've got some more stuff for you. So, how does it look?
They're sleeping, on the same couch. It's looking good.
Looking good? That's great!
We did it! Give me five!
- Who wants to play in the snow? - I do.
Let's go. Come on. Go, go.
It's snowing!
- Who wants cocoa? - I do!
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
Is Hallie up?
Not yet.
Hi.
Was i having a dream?
Yeah, i was.
Hi.
You want to go back to sleep and see what happens?
No. I know what happens.
- Merry Christmas. - Yeah. Merry Christmas.
- Michael? - Yeah?
Hallie! She's not here. She's not upstairs. She's not in her room. She's not here.
What?
Ethan's at marshall's. I'm going to call him.
- You were in bed with her last night. - Wait a minute.
There are all these pieces, and they don't fit together. But they do fit together.
Hello?
Marshall, it's Mrs O'fallon. I need to speak to Ethan.
Ethan your son? That specific Ethan?
Yes. It's an emergency.
Ok. Just a second.
Marshall?
I can't find him right now.
Give me the phone. Where the heck is Ethan?
Just a second.
He's not here.
He never was. He made me pretend, but he never was. Are you following me?
- I'm afraid we are. Where is he? - "i just don't know."
- "i've got to go." - All right.
- Hello? - "it's me."
Tony, where are you?
I'm in New Jersey.
Mittens.
Don't even think of selling them. They were expensive.
Don't pout. I've got more for you at nana's.
You do? Like what? Tell me. Is it books? Is it mosaics? It is, right?
- Hallie. Yo, Hallie. What? - Look.
I knew it. The mice, the phone...
it's mom and dad.
God knows where the children are. Do you know?
How would i know? Do you think i planned this?
- I'm coming. - Fine.
We're going to the upper east side.
Oh, no.
It's on the fan.
No, it's hit the fan, Hallie, it's hit the fan.
Ok, hit the fan. Now what?
We've got to get home.
I know it's Christmas.
But i've returned from an expensive night at the carlyle
to find a $1,200 bill from your branch of murder incorporated, and no rats.
- "do you want the bodies?" - No, i don't want the rat bodies.
I want proof something has been found in this house, other than a sucker.
- Mrs brooks! - Hold on a minute.
I must not be creating a nuisance, lillian. Please, no, no problem.
But baby comes.
Right now.
- No, don't worry. No problem. - Don't worry, no.
Have you called the paramedics?
- They're on their way. - Olivia, don't worry.
- Mom, are the kids here? - I don't think so. We just got in.
Are they missing?
Hallie?
Ethan?
Wait! What are you going to say?
- And it better be good. - It will be. I'll tell the truth.
Ok, this is the place. Let's go.
- You got the oxygen tank? - Yeah, i got it.
I think we should wait just one more second.
So i can decide what the truth is going to be.
Something tells me Stephanie might be mixed up in this.
- Is everything all right? - We think so.
- Are you lillian brooks? - Yes, i'm the lillian brooks.
Yeah. And i'm the luis hernández.
Come with me.
Susan, I'm sure they're ok, but why don't you wait with us?
This was my idea. This was all my fault and you guys had nothing to do with it.
Now, even though there's police...
God, we're in trouble, guys.
Hello?
Anybody home?
My god. Where have you been? We've been so worried about you.
Hi, mom.
Merry Christmas.
- You ok? - Yeah.
Starved, but ok.
- Olivia's having her baby in the kitchen. - She is?
Can i take pictures? Please. This could be a great science project.
Wait a minute, glamour girl. You, too. Come here.
- I should call my mom. - She's on her way.
- She's been very worried about you. - She has?
Well, of course. We're all glad that you're ok.
Now we know everybody's ok...
- who wants to explain? - Ethan?
- Come on. - This is great.
- Right here. Stop. - Ok, ok.
Give me my change.
And merry Christmas.
You see, it's kind of hard to know where to begin.
- Oh, no. - There you are.
See what brats you have? I cannot stand them.
I never could. And i have a Christmas announcement.
The minute we're married, those kids are going to learn some respect.
- And some discipline. - These are our children, not yours.
Are you siding with him now?
Tony, it's Christmas, and Christmas is for families.
And we're not one, you and i and my children.
- And we're never going to be. - Great.
- That's fine. - Oh, Tony.
Tony, you mustn't blame yourself.
Holidays can be fairly bloody. I think you know where the door is.
Now we know all the rats are gone.
Stephanie.
Mom, you're crying.
Ok, i guess it's my turn.
To explain.
I mean, it's my turn to try to explain, because i don't know what to say.
And when i do, which may be never, i don't think it will come out right.
If you follow me, which you probably don't, because i don't follow me.
See, i didn't know how much i missed us.
I mean, it's been great being here with nana.
See, i know how lucky i am.
I have people who love me, and people who i love.
And i just wanted it to be us again.
Hallie wanted it, too.
She asked santa for it. I told her not to because i didn't want her to be let down.
She's just a kid. I don't mean that as an insult, hal.
- I'm not insulted. - But you are just a kid.
So i tried to help things along.
The mice, the phone calls, the ice-cream trucks...
and i didn't do it just for Hallie.
I did it for me, too.
Now, maybe that's selfish, but i had to at least try.
Which i learned from you, dad.
You can dream about things, and they may not turn out.
But you have to at least try.
And when you said...
...that if you could just get mom on a desert island...
did you say that?
- Why did you want to do that? - Well, see, because...
that's ok, Ethan, you've done your job.
I guess this is going to have to be the desert island.
Listen, slick.
I figure i went out of my way to make life difficult for you, for all of us.
I was testing you.
And i failed.
- It wasn't fair. I had no right to do that. - No.
But i'd like to try again. Would you like to try again?
I'm in love with you, slick.
I'm in love with you, too.
Come over here. Come here.
- Merry Christmas, Hallie. - Merry Christmas.
- Now it's Christmas. - All right!
Come here, hotshot.
Now, wait just a minute, Ethan. We still don't know where you were last night.
That, i can explain.
Good, because you weren't at marshall's and you weren't at your dad's house.
So, it's my toughest customer.
- I need a week's holiday after your list. - You remember me.
Of course. And i'm glad it snowed. I feel awfully guilty when it doesn't snow.
So, how is everything here?
You know, christmassy.
I almost forgot.
Snowball.
Is that really snowball?
Ethan.
Your family is waiting.
- Everything ok with you and your mom? - Yeah.
I think. So, thanks for the burgers and fries.
- I never did get to buy you that meal. - Next Christmas.
Not till then?
- I'll go get us a cab. - Ok.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah. You, too.
Let me know if you finish the dream.
I did.
See, there was this boy and this girl, and a lot of snow.
- All different colours. - Sounds nice.
It was.
And she falls in love with him, the girl with the boy, in the snow.
Merry Christmas, Ethan.
- Stephanie. - Coming, mom.
Everything ok, Ethan?
Thank you, Santa.
Yeah!